For Father's Day this year I wanted to focus on brothers. Sure, I still want to honor my own father and step-father, both of whom I miss tremendously, but this year was different. Unfortunately, our family lost my oldest brother, Bruce. He had just turned 64, and on February 28 he was involved in a motorcycle accident. He took his last breath on Sunday, March 11. To say losing him has been really tough is a huge understatement. I, for one, was not ready to lose my big brother, my oldest brother. No one was prepared to lose him, and we are all still grieving. So this year I decided to focus on my brothers for Father's Day and celebrate them.

I have 3 older brothers: Bruce, Mike, and Steve. Bruce was 16, almost 17, years older than me. Mike (or Michael Wayne) is about 14 years older than me while Steve is 10 years and 8 days older than me. My mom said she and Dad didn't use any form of birth control after having Steve, but 10 years later here I am! Mom did say that after I was born she was sure to use birth control so as to not get pregnant again. LOL

When we think of our siblings, or brothers in this case for me, we think of all the typical things that siblings do. They fight. They play. They learn from each other. They guide each other. They share an unbreakable bond and love fiercely.

I have very fond memories of my brothers throughout my lifetime. I remember Steve taking me trick-or-treating even though he begrudgingly did so only because Mom made him. I remember Mike putting me on his knee and bouncing me up and down while he sang, "Giddy up, Horsey, go to town"...I remember being the flower girl in his and Pam's wedding. I remember Bruce going to Texas A&M and graduating. I remember also being the flower girl in his wedding to Melinda. Since there is such an age gape between me and Bruce and me and Mike, I honestly don't remember living with them while I was growing up. I do remember living with Steve until he moved out on his own a few years after graduating from high school. I remember staying up late with him to watch the original Hawaii 5-0. I remember his friends and him playing football for Kilgore High School. I remember the bad wreck he was involved in that took the life of the other driver and swelled up his face from his injuries. (The wreck was NOT his fault.) Perhaps one of the funniest memories I have is when we were all together, and all three of them would pick me up and throw me around to each other as if I were a football. I'd like to see them try that now! LOL

About 20 or so years ago, there was a time in my life when I was at a low point in my life and very unhappy so I wrote a lot. I wrote poems and such to important people in my life for gifts as birthday presents, Mother's/Father's Day, or "just because". I thought since I was highlighting my brothers, I would share the gifts that I wrote for them back then.

If you are lucky enough to still have your brothers or sisters in your life, embrace them. Be thankful for them. That very special relationship is like no other. I miss Bruce so much and was nowhere near ready to say good-bye or so long to him. I thought we all had another decade or so with him. We didn't, and here we are...missing him, struggling to find our way in this world without him, grieving a larger-than-life man who wore many hats and embodied many roles to many people. I adore Mike and Steve, too, don't get me wrong, but Bruce was the oldest and the one everybody looked up to. I told them that they can't ever leave me. LOL I hope I don't have to face that fate any time soon, God willing.


This is the one I wrote for Bruce 21 years ago...I still feel the same way about him and miss him tremendously. Already gone from us for 3 months, it feels just like yesterday at times, and at other times, it doesn't feel real at all.

Love Comes in Small Packages...

Once upon a time

When I was a little girl,

A very special someone

Gave me a gift--

A gift one had no idea

Would be such a treasure

At the time.

The gift

It was a book

Entitled "I Look Out My Window".

This person read, read, and

Read some more this book to me.

From a child's mind frame

The words were about the literal meaning of seasons.

Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter.

As time went on this person

My hero

Moved out of my life

Just for a while

So that goals could be achieved.

College, The National Guard, Marriage, Children--

Worthy achievements

All for what?

Who knows?

A bright future--hopefully

All goals were met with great praise

From my little girl eyes.

Over time I came to realize what seasons

Were all about their meaning as I have

Grown to perceive meaning.

Spring-- Life, blossoms, new, young, growth, freedom, warm

Summer-- Sweat, humidity, bright sun, picnics, lemonade, swimming, hot

Fall-- Changing, beautiful, leaves, school, a time to give thanks, cool

Winter-- Icy, cruel, depressing, snow, miserable, death, cold

The seasons turned into years

The years into decades.

This person and I

Did not grow up together in the same house

Or with the same exact family intact.

BUT, we did grow together.

Time after time. we each

Sought out a goal,

Reached for it,

And eventually pursued the endeavor.

Life has not been perfect for either one of us

With ups and downs

Downs and ups.

We have a lot in common

This hero and me.

We each have children, college degrees,

Similar personality characteristics

Of being the oldest or the only child

And lots of love in our hearts for others. (Sometimes too much).

Of course, we have our differences, too.

No matter,

For we share a unique and special bond.

I look up to this icon of mine

A Father figure sixteen years my senior

For he is a great big man,

A leader, a winner, a fighter, a dedicated soul, a rich one he is.

There have been times this idol of mine has

Encountered the beautiful spring, the hot summer,

The changing fall, or the cruel, cold, depressing winter

Just to challenge and beat all the odds or enjoy the beauty

Of being

One may ask "What treasure does such a book hold

To a young adult woman now?"

Perhaps it is the plastic red binding, the roughed up edges,

The colorful photos, the fact it's from Playskool.

No, I say, It is because of all these things and more,

Mostly, however, it is because it is from

My friend, my hero, my icon, my role model.

No matter what such a gift--big or small--

The fact this it is from him is all.

One thing has always been true as well.

No matter whether it is Spring, Summer, Winter, or Fall

Any season is fine at all

As long as "I Look Out My Window"

And see you--

My hero--

My big brother--

Bruce.

Happy Birthday with lots and lots of love From your little sister, Sandi

Thank you for being my big brother.

Written in January 1997 for Bruce's 43rd birthday.



This is the one I wrote for Steve...

The Story of Love... Through a Sister's Eyes

Years ago, on October 10, 1960, the Lord looked down on the Earth and announced with pride, "I wish to bless a certain young couple with a precious baby boy. He will have brown eyes, brown hair, and a handsome tan complexion.

Third in line of males indeed, right now a female they do not need.

They need this son to fulfill a task. However, now is too early to ask-- Why? His purpose is yet unknown to all but Me. But to his parents I will be glad to loan a son of whom they'll definitely treasure. Let's just say I need in my garden a special type of ingredient. Someone who will bud and blossom and grow into a nice young man." "But what is his purpose?" asked an angel while the Lord replied, "Do not ask yet, for I cannot tell you."

"I will give him an affliction at birth. He will be webbed at some of his fingers." "But Lord," asked another angel, "why?" She goes on to ask, "Why not make him perfect?" And the Lord replied, "He will adapt and adjust; he is very strong-- physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. All precious gems are flawed, and no one is perfect. Each one of my creations is unique and individual. Do not ask his purpose yet, for I cannot tell you."

Years later, in 1970, an angel was viewing the Earth with the Lord and exclaimed, "Oh, Lord! Look! That young lad is turning 10 today! He will be getting a new baby sister soon. I wonder how he will react. Up until now, all he has had to deal with are two older brothers. He has been the baby for such a long time. What is his purpose now?"

The Lord repeats, "Do not ask yet, for I cannot tell you."

"Oh, look," said an angel, "there he is, the young lad. He is playing with his baby sister. They are playing on little riding scooters. He is posing in his baseball uniform with his sister under his glove, and there they are in front of the Christmas tree.

They sure look happy together. Just look at the joy and love and big, bright smiles on his baby sister's face. I can almost hear her laughter ringing out loudly. Is this the young boy's purpose on Earth?" "Do not ask yet," said the Lord, "for I cannot tell you."

The angels all gathered one evening in the fall. The Lord walked by and asked with wonderment, "Angels? What are you all doing?"

They replied, "We are watching our young man, and he is playing football tonight. He has just scored a touchdown, and the crowd is going wild!" "Oh," the Lord replied with a knowing look on his face. "Lord," asked a new angel, "is this young man destined for a career in professional football perhaps?" "Why do you ask such a thing, angel?" "Because, he is so popular. He is a football star. He has many friends--both guys and gals. I just think his purpose is to be famous perhaps in pro football. Am I right?" "You are correct when you mention his football playing ability. In fact, the young man is quite talented in many other sports. However, I have already addressed his purpose. Do not ask yet, for I cannot tell you."

It is 1980. Something sad has taken place in this young man's life. Misfortunate has intruded its way between his parents, and his father has decided to take leave. With a worried frown on her face, an angel asked the Lord, "Lord, what is happening to our young man? He has always been such a happy guy. Now he looks like a rainbow of emotions-- furious and angry and hurt and abandoned and lost and confused to strong and bold and courageous and confident that everything will be ok." "It will be in due time. For now, however, his mother and his baby sister will need him." "You mean," said an angel, "that he is now the male role model for his sister and has to help his mother through this emotional struggle the whole family is going through?" "Yes," said the Lord, "he is quite a savior right now. His family needs him, but I have a feeling this will not be the last time he is desperately needed by them to lean on in a time of crisis, sadness and sorrow." "Is this his purpose?" "Do not ask yet, for I cannot tell you."

It was a cold, dark, windy night. The weather usually did not permit such conditions as ice, sleet, and snow. The Lord was apparently watching over him this night and guiding him to safety although at the time it may not have seemed so. There had been a horrible wreck. Our sweet young man was hurt but ok. Unfortunately, the driver of the other vehicle wasn't so lucky. He died. "Why was he spared?" asked the angels in Heaven, "It is not wise to question 'why'. As I have told you before, his fate is only known to me. Do not ask yet, for I cannot tell you."

The year is 1982. The month is June. Wedding bells are in the air. "I can't believe our young man is now getting married!" shrieked an excited angel while looking down upon the earth at the bride and groom, "I am so happy for him and his new bride! They do make a handsome couple! I do hope they will be very happy in their marriage and throughout their lives with one another. Do you think they will be happy, Lord?" "I know they will be happy," he replied. "But how do you know?" she asked. "Because he loves her, and she loves him." "So." "So it is as simple as that." "So I guess this is his purpose. To be a husband to this fine young woman." "Do not ask yet, for I cannot tell you."

As usual the angels and the Lord in Heaven looked down upon the young man. They were there in spirit in good times to celebrate and in bad times to guide, help, and then heal. On one particular day, the crowd up above looked down and noticed that the young man was having a hard time. "It looks as though he is having a heart attack! We have to do something, Lord! Oh, please tell us what to do to rescue him." "Relax. He will be fine. Contrary to what appears to be happening, it is not. He is experiencing an anxiety attack." "But, why, Lord, would you put someone so special through such a horrifying experience? Please let him be." "I am." "You mean this is supposed to happen to him? But why? This does not seem fair." "Life is not fair. And, besides, what doesn't kill us will make us stronger. Remember, I once told you he would be strong--even mentally and emotionally. He will survive this." "Then what is his purpose of living through such terror? Is it to prove that he is a survivor? Is it because in years ahead his baby sister will have the same attacks and need guidance and support from him?" "Do not ask yet, for I cannot tell you."

The age of Earth is now 1990 A.D. It is Christmastime. However, what would usually and normally be a festive, happy event for this family is now gloomy and depressing.

Instead of celebrating Jesus' life, they will be celebrating the life of someone dear to them who has just passed on. This is not an easy time for them. Many angels and the Lord himself are working overtime on this one. "Oh, Lord, who is going to tell his mother that her husband has passed?" "He is." "You mean our young man? Why him? Why not the doctor or a minister?" "Perhaps you will remember that I prophesized once that he would once again be the foundation, the rock, that his mother and sister needed to get through a hard time. The result is the same, only the means is different." "But what will happen to his mother and his sister? Who will support them and take care of them? Will it now be up to him? Is this his purpose? To take care of them?" "Do not ask yet, for I cannot tell you."

1994 has rolled around, and it is Christmastime again. The young man and his wife are now anxiously awaiting the arrival of their first child, a son. The Lord gathers his band of angels together for a serious talk. "Angels, I think our work is cut out for us this time." "What do you mean, Lord?" asks one of the many angels "We are all going to a special place, and we need to be strong as individuals and as a whole." "I do not understand," says another angel. "You will." The Lord leads the band of angels to where the young man is praying for the survival of not only his unborn son but his wife. Due to complications in the pregnancy, his wife is going to have to have the baby now in order for both of them to live. The chances for both are risky, especially for the baby since he isn't due to arrive until March. "Where are we?" asks an angel. "We are in his heart, where he needs us." "Why couldn't we do this from Heaven, Lord?" "He needs us here with him, not just looking down upon him from Heaven and simply guiding him and leading him away from temptation and evil forces. He needs us right here. I told you this was a special mission. I also told you all once before that he is strong, not only in the flesh but also in the spirit." As it turns out, everything and everyone is fine. The young man and his wife are rewarded by their love with a son, and their legacy and love and life can go on because of him. "Lord, is this his reason for being on Earth? To be his son's father?" "Perhaps," said the Lord, "but once again refrain from asking me, for I cannot tell you."

The date is now October 10 in the year of our Lord. The young man is turning another year older today. He has experienced many pleasantries in spite of some adversities. "Lord, our young lad has turned into a fine young man with a home and a family." "Yes, he has." "I wish you would tell me what his purpose is. Why did you bless his parents with him in the first place? They already had two sons." "Yes, and his brothers each have a reason for being here, too, as does his sister."

The angel pleaded with the Lord to know what his specific purpose was on Earth.

The Lord replied to the angel for the last time, "Do not ask me anymore, for I cannot tell you."

"He has fulfilled many roles in his lifetime-- a son, a brother, a boyfriend, a husband, and now a Papa to his young son. But what makes him so special?" asked the angel curiously. "Easy," said the Lord, "because he is who he is." "And everyone will love and cherish and appreciate him just for being himself?" asked the angel. "Yes." replied the Lord. "Haven't they always?" "Yes," whispers his baby sister.

I wrote this in October of 1997 for my brother Steve's 37th birthday. I am not quite sure where the religious outpouring came from, but it spewed from within somewhere, somehow. I love this piece of work because it talks about relationships. It talks about my relationship with Steve, his relationship with several people and mostly God and also himself. I gave this to him as a present, and he loved it. That's the important part of it for me. I let him know how special he is to me. Also this story talks about all of us and a question we often ponder, esp. when we are down. That is "why am I here?" "Why was I born?" However, this story also inspires the reader with a positive message about being true to everyone and mostly to oneself and being liked and loved solely for that reason.

This is the one I wrote for Michael Wayne...

Lesson of Love

I was looking through my photo album not so long ago,

And as I flipped each page gingerly,

remembering all my pastimes.

a particular photograph caught my attention.

It was a picture of me and my big brother

when I was just a tot.

I was on his knee

and wearing his cowboy hat

while he bounced me up and down.

He was singing, and I was laughing.

The photo brings back memories to that time in my life

when life was so simple and innocent.

and I had him.

my big brother,

so near.

He held my little hands so tenderly while at the same time

he gave me a lesson in life.

Although it didn't seem like that was the purpose that day,

I now

somehow

view it as just that.

While I eyed this photograph,

I smiled,

and then I began to laugh.

I thought for a long time and wondered.

"Just who is this guy I call my big brother?"

He is someone who..

was born 40 years ago plus one past

with blue eyes and dark brown hair has tan skin and a medium build

is a good provider for his vast family, even though he does work too hard at times

was born second in a line of four children

is the second son

is the father of three beautiful children

is the husband of one beautiful wife who has always been like a sister to me

is always ready to lend a helping hand and a loving heart and a kind word

is a loving son and brother

is a model friend

is a father figure to his little sister and to whom I look for guidance.

I just want you to know that I love you very much.

It is hard to tell you at times, but I think you already know.

Even so, it's great to hear it once in a while.

We did not grow up in the same home or under the exact same circumstances.

but our emotional ties did not roam.

The distance,

It only enhances

as does the 14 year gap

the opportunity to have many chances

for me to remember all the times

I rode "Horsey" on your lap.

Even though we are not close in years or by distance,

we are always close in our hearts.

And he sang

"Giddy up Horsey, go to town!"--

Translation - "Sister, you'll have to face the big ugly world one day."

"Better watch out, or you'll fall down!"--

Translation--"Watch your back and remain strong, or life can hurt you."

"Let me hold your hands so you don't fall."--

Translation-- "Don't worry, I've got your hands, and you won't fall. Trust me."

Of course. I know this sounds absurd,

but is it really?

Yes, the game of Horsey can be just that,

but I also think it can be a lesson about the world that begins early in one's life.

And it's people such as my big brother who love me that want to warn me,

protect me

when life is tough, rotten, miserable, and unfair.

Giddy up,

Horsey,

Go to town.

Better watch out,

or you'll

fall

down!

I won't fall as long as I have him to watch over me.

For that.

I thank him.

and I LOVE HIM.